Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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