I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
