I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
