if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
