i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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