first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
