You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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