I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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