When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
