I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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