just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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