Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
