Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
