Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
