every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
