My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
