I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
