I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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