$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
