I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
