doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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