she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
