I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
