meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
