I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
