sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
