Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
