whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
