He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
