I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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