If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
