FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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