we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
