How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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