Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
