I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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