there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
