Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
