saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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