She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
