does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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