I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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