I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
