This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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