So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize