we're making bets on your personal life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
