dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just pee around me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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