How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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