How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
