I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
