Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
