Acid is not a monday night drug
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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