was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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