I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
