There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize