to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
