he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
