Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
false alarm, still single
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
