Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize