you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
