Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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