ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
