Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize