I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
