Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
